The Esker Road

AKA the Becca book all throughout the podcast. It's out! I forgot to tell you! But here it is:

The Esker Road 

Yessssssss. My best book yet. It's twisty and complicated and heartbreaking. It tricks you and is so stressful. And the last time I read it, it made me burst into tears. And I mean, I wrote it. So I recommend it. Pay close attention as you read. If you think something contradicts something else, that should put you on high alert. 

 

What else is happening. I'm writing the sequel to Summerlands because that ended in an unsatisfying way for me, right when things were getting really interesting about the older people. 

It's weird to write about older people who are nonetheless much younger than me. Um. Okay.

What else? I saw some old friends and got adamant I had to be true to myself or something and write music again after forty years of NOT doing it due to Conservatory Trauma. So I started studying Hozier's music because it's so good and varied. And I became (no way, me?) completely obsessive about it. Like I learned all of it. I started playing guitar also obsessively (obsessive is a feature of me) and followed his tour online and then WENT TO SEE HIM PERFORM because I knew once this tour ended, it would be years before the next chance.

Yes, I went on a PLANE and to a CONCERT in a CROWD. I stayed with a high school friend who made it all possible though. I honestly could not have done it otherwise. Anxiety blows. And that hit all my worst ones. Outdoor concert at night, 30K people, holy yikes. But I saw our guy in person and sang all the songs and knew all the words because of course I learned all the words, who do you think I am?

It was kind of funny because some songs are less well known, so the 30K teens and 20-somethings would only sing the choruses, but the other obsessives and I knew all the lyrics to everything. I can barely remember my own name but sure I can sing you Abstract or Unknown cold. 

I had the albums already and had listened, especially the first two, but hadn't studied them. It is really really really good for you to study someone else's music. I mean, that's what we did in the conservatory. It's how you learn.

Guess what happened? Those horrible old men who hated me and forced me out of the composition program used to haunt me whenever I'd try to write music, so I didn't. But now? They're gone. Instead it's like someone nice and gentle and supportive and kind (and tall) is there in my mind, or sitting next to me on the piano bench. Isn't that bizarre? Turns out there's a solid psychological basis for doing exactly that kind of replacement of tormentors in your mind. I reinvented a very good wheel. 

He thinks you're awesome. Look at that face. 

I've put a bunch of songs up on bandcamp but they all have cello in place of the vocals because I am not a singer no matter what my imaginary supporter says. Though I might sing this next one called Emergency which is kind of about how when you have a giant stupid anxiety disorder everything is a GODDAMN EMERGENCY except the song is funny about it. I sing it all the time around my daily life, truly. 

Currently I'm working on a song that's more or less the emotional arc/plot of The Esker Road, so, spoilers. All the others have been setting existing poems to music. This time I have to write the words. Much harder! Oh boy. 

I'm also working 1.5 jobs on top of writing books and music and playing instruments and everything else in life, so I'm not sure I'll be back recording this for a while, if ever. That's okay! ONWARD.